Now, I am not one to use a phone to write an entry. My fingers don’t move as fast as the words in my head. Not to mention the words turning into other words that are not intended. I absolutely one hundred percent can not sleep.
Do you remember as a kid being so excited for something and not being able to sleep at all. That’s exactly what’s going on right now. I can remember being stoked to go to Six Flags with my aunts and uncles and having difficulty sleeping. Gram would always try to find a way to help me to sleep. Things I now see in my very own son. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents as a child, they were my second parents so to speak.
My heart keeps pounding and my head keeps spinning in glorious little thoughts. Music keeps playing in my head that gets adrenaline pumping through my veins and I quickly try to control it. On the weekends it seems like they all have a party in there. It’s always bonfire style, loud music, and beer. I can see the flames lick the inside of my eyelids and it’s like I’m there.
Sometimes it gets out of hand and then that’s when my dreams seem to get a little wild. Like last night I had a dream I was doing coke with one of the many guys I knew among the dirt. It’s scary how real it feels and how I can taste it in the back of my throat and feel my heart race. It’s funny what the brain can do. There’s so much that can be unlocked if given it’s full potential. I truly believe it. I can feel synthetically happy or high on command. It’s a crazy whirlwind of emotion that I can’t explain or why it can even happen in the first place.
I guess I’m just trying to ramble on here to get some of this out so I can finally get some sleep. I feel tired but as soon as I roll over it’s not happening. Then I have Autumn telling me to write and just get it out. It’s always a good time to spill your emotions on ”paper.” I guess. I get a lot of good ideas and thinking done at night. I feel like 9 o’clock in the evening until 3 is about prime time for me.
I think I’m going to try this again. Wish us luck. -Fox Tales