I can honestly say that this feeling I’m having is unable to be ignored or put off. I’ve never had it to this extent and something about it is so confusing. It almost feels like a part of my soul has been ripped out and it’s trying to find its’ way home? What comes to mind right off the bat is the portal in Donnie Darko’s chest as he follows it to where it needs to lead him to. It’s almost mindless yet so intense it’s shocking at the same time.
Is this what the truth in love feels like? It’s a happy hurt when I’m not with you and I almost feel like I don’t know what to do. Emotions hit me from every corner of my mind and it’s almost exhausting. My chest is aching and I know it’s all mindful but the mind is so powerful, it can make you feel things you never knew existed. I left a part of me there and it’s tugging at my heart strings and willing me to follow.
I’m not necessarily empty it’s, I don’t know how to act. I feel expressionless, the tone in my voice is flat and I have no desire to try and act like I’m normal right now. I need to feel this. I need to feel what it is like to want something so bad, ache for it, but know that in all of it’s glorious timing, it will come to be eventually. You and me.
This isn’t exaggerated. This isn’t attention-seeking. This is crazy is what it is. How could I ever let someone get so close to these inner, raw emotions of mine. I don’t think I’ve ever took down every wall for another in my entire existence of being. Something about you makes me want to fall to my knees and give it all to you. Every ounce of my love, of my strength, of my heart, of my soul. Do you know how exhausting this is? Do you feel this way too?
I couldn’t imagine there isn’t some part of you that isn’t yearning for this. That you try to shut off and ignore for your own sanity’s sake. Maybe even your system’s sake. If you’ve got a temporary fix for me, I’d love to hear what you got, baby because you are what does this to me.
I don’t know how I could live my life without you ever in it anymore. Thinking of forever without your touch is a crime. I couldn’t honestly tell you the lengths I would go to or things I would do if I lost you. I just don’t understand why or how I’ve never had these thoughts before until I met you. Is this what God wanted for me all along? I was so rushed and in a hurry that I failed before I’ve won? Every sign, signal, 8-ball points to Yes.
If I could give you every single emotion, every single word to describe the way I feel about you, it would never be enough. I would exceed any thesis in an explanation for the way you make my heart skip a beat when I see you. A never-ending debate on the reasons as to why I even deserve this. What you’ve given and are about to give I am eternally grateful for. You never really know how you affect someone and in all reality, love, I don’t know how to show you enough. There will never be a way to truly express all of these feelings to you. Being expressionless sometimes says it all.
You have put me in a stalemate. There’s no other way and it’s not debatable. This is the way our lives were meant to be. I will no longer be a pawn in this chess game of reality. I have earned the title as a Queen and forever to protect my King. I would never let anyone hurt you nor would I ever. My debts are ever in your favor and a Lannister always pays theirs. My words nor my actions will ever be enough to properly appreciate the man you are. The way you have my mind spinning is beautiful and has me catching it all at the same time. I don’t want it to ever stop.
The beauties we possess is greater than I’ve ever known and I want to explore every one of them with you. Tell me you do too… -Bets