I believe God leads us to our answers subtly. I’ve been praying for God to chisel away at me and truly bring to light the woman I truly am inside. After reading through today’s P31 email, as soon as I read the word “chisel” my mind went to this skit I saw at the first church I attended in Florida when we moved down. Then as I started watching it I felt God move within me to share this with all of you. Then as I got about 3/4 the way through I realized, he sent this message specifically for me to hear and give me the answer to the question I’ve been begging to hear for months.
The little revelations I keep surfacing are so intense that if I wasn’t a believer, I wouldn’t be any longer. I feel like back in 2003 when I saw the video it was just a sneak peek into my life. Every bit of what is said is what has crossed my mind and has been said in my own conversation to God. The part where he asks if I’m ready to get rid of the part of my life that I turn to when I’m sad, defeated, and down, it hit hard. I am fully ready to give up my alcohol addiction, I am ready to give up my lustful desires for others, I am ready to move forward in the direction he has so obviously placed me in. The only thing that is holding me back is knowing if I am going to have a hard time eventually being yolked.
I have a burning desire to save someone from themselves and I don’t know if they will ever listen to me. It frightens me and makes me wonder if I’ll fail at one of the plans God has laying in wait for me to perform. I know that I need to stop the worry and just put all my faith into his wonderfully woven basket and hope for the best. I don’t think this person would be in my life if it wasn’t because he didn’t want it. It’s my concern and love that make me pursue every bit of what this has come to be and continues to unfold before me.
I’ve been given such a glorious gift and I never think I’ll ever disappoint as long as I just sit, listen, and write what is being told of me. My wonderful little gifts in my head, I know where they come from. I am not crazy, I am blessed. I’ve been my whole life and until now I’ve finally come to realize. These feelings that run through me every day are becoming stronger and more intense. It makes me wonder how anyone could ever stand the intensity of the afterlife. Like body numbing, mind blowing awe. I feel dizzy thinking about it.
Now, I am not saying I would ever be a saint by any means. I still have dark and disturbing aspects to who I am. I hate to throw this out there but I am merely a vessel. I take full responsibility for who I am, my actions, and who I will be. I am yolked myself in a sense and I would never judge harshly. It’s not my place. I feel him chiseling some horrible things away and it’s so freeing. I never thought the day would come where I’d think I wasn’t a beautiful disaster. Something about being one makes me comforted because of all my disasters and hardships, I’ve created something beautiful in each. Something I can share to the world to those who will listen or care enough.
I’m happy with this woman. She makes us smile and feel more about ourselves now. What’s even more wonderful is I’ve been alongside with her all day and we’ve never really had the chance to do this yet. My name is Lance. I am as flamboyant as they come and have some really great taste. I am a firm believer in the Lord as it’s my judgement call in the end. Thank you very much. I have platinum blonde hair styled in an up due and I wear cute pastel button up shirts with my sleeves rolled up to the elbows. I wear tight khaki slacks because I can make them look hella good. I wear brown loafers and I have a rainbow pendant on my shirt somewhere at all times. I wave all my flags proudly. I’m honored to be in this entry because I know how hard everyone comes down on “the gays and God.” God-willing, we’ll all get over this. Ha.
I think it’s sweet because she has a chipper outlook on things when I am close to her. This is the first time that we’ve spoken though since she first found out about the 30+ newbies in her system. I mean, it’s crowded and Lord knows there’s no such thing as social distancing in here, but we’ve already had in back in December. We are right as rain now, baby. I’m a survivor, I’m not gon give up, I’m not gon stop, I’m gon work harder! Oh please, everyone loves Beyonce and you’ll get over it too.
Well this post went all over the place. I am not necessarily going to say I’m sorry because it’s just who we are and whoever decides they need to come out and say their peace, they can. I’m going to drop the video down here so if you want to see what the Lord truly has to offer, you can take advantage of it to. Some powerful stuff. Are you ready to finally have a taste of the good life?
Friends, I know sometimes we want to believe that we can chisel our own flesh into something beautiful. We were so wrong. God holds the tools to bring us back to our original masterpiece. Say it with me “(Your Name) is God’s original Masterpiece.” May you know your worth and let God work in you until completion. And all God’s people said, Amen. -Lance/Bets