I’m pretty sure my run has come to an end. I have both extreme physical and mental exhaustion. The switches are becoming too much and I’m tired of wondering who is the one fronting. It’s been a confusing past couple days and I think my body is asking for a system shutdown for the night. By that I mean, all lights out. Not one staying up as soon as I’m out. No one deciding they need to watch one more show or read one more chapter. Everyone is going to cozy up and shut off the lights. This is much needed. If there is anything about the communication in our system, it’s if we are hitting the “does not compute” button, it’s time to shut it down.
I’m learning that if we are not all at a functioning capacity of the sorts, we are useless. It’s hard to form thoughts at this point. My sweet Autumn continues to yawn internally as we keep typing out the words we so desperately want to share with y’all. I guess we could give just a little recap of today’s adventures.
I was woken up at 9 am and told I was being volunteered to go to the store and get ready. So, first things first, didn’t have time for the morning cup of coffee. Mistake number one. That’s fuel for a lot of us. The second thing that popped into my head, I don’t want to go out. I’ve been at home since this whole thing started and absolutely did not want to go. It only proved true as my anxiety went through the roof when we went through the store. I was irritated, dodging panic attacks, and trying to manage a child who has been stir crazy for over a month. It didn’t help the checkout lane was moving slow as molasses.
When we got home I had to destress and take a seat on the couch next to Eddie and just watch cartoons with him. That seems to bring me a little bit of comfort and the littles like when we do that. I felt about that of a child at that point in time. To be honest, the rest of the day we were just packing up the house and filling up the trailer my Dad brought to get the first round of crap moved back down to Florida. We still have a month or so here but we need to start rounding it up. I have mixed feelings about all of this now. It’s all too hard to muster the energy to explain. This is draining enough.
Autumn, you are such a persistent woman, but you know what soothes your mind. It really is a relaxing way to end the day, I give you that.
This passion to pour myself out is rearing its lively little head but I am just about out of juice. My switches are becoming more frequent (this happens a lot when exhausted) and no one wants to stay up front. It’s time to decompress and destress. I am hoping that tonight will give us the much needed rest we’ve been lacking. I’d say that it’s been since about mid February since we’ve all decided it’s a complete “system night in.” My eyes keep going blurry and I can feel myself slipping a pretty good bit. This is where I leave y’all for tonight. -An Exhausted Fox Tales System