Is there such thing as positive addictions? I mean, with a negative there is always a positive, or is there? I have been contemplating this as I was, again, talking to my mentor, let’s just face it. She is one of my best friends, no denying that one. One of the responses I had to her was, “Best friend addiction ever!” I absolutely meant those words. I would much rather be addicted in friendship, in moderation, than to be best friend addicted to a bottle of Tullamore Dew.

My personality is an addiction. A lot of people are addicted to it and sometimes I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. There are so many aspects to what makes us up. I mean, I almost have a different person for each situation you could ask for. Sometimes that feels weird to admit, but it’s the truth. My mind is vast and we are many, that’s for sure.

Hmm. Let’s list some negative addictions that I know this body possess.

Negative Influences

1. Alcoholism (Ever since I was 15, altho I drank way earlier than that. I felt the warm buzzing sensation and I knew it would speak trouble later in my life.)
2. Cocaine (This was a good 3 year thing, what a craptastic time in my life.)
3. Benzos & Opioids (Originally used for good became too much of a good thing.)
4. Sexual Desires (I was super young when sexual involvement started playing a role in our life. There’s a lot of suppressed memories we just can not go into on here.)
5. Drama (Fighting, arguing, disagreements, sometimes physical violence)
6. Any type of negative behavior (I guess I find adrenaline in sin, who doesn’t?)
7. Eating Disorder (I don’t let myself eat regularly, it’s becoming a problem.)
8. Sleep Deprivation (Yes, this negatively affects me)
9. Thrill-seeking (Don’t get me started…)
10. Music (Some music I listen to bring out the thrill-seeker, naughty girl I can be.)
11. Social Media (I can say I have addictive qualities about constant wanting to be in the know. I’m working hard on this one. It’s hard when your job is being in FB groups and other social sites.)
12. My Family (A lot of childhood trauma, no need for explanation.)

Positive Influences

1. Relationships through Christ (Sooo many and each one I cherish in their own separate ways.)
2. Online Bible Studies through Proverbs 31 Ministries (I live for these. When one ends I literally don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve been emerging myself in other studies during the lull in time of starting the next.)
3. Music (Worship to be exact and the hardcore kind. I LOVE hard rock. In all forms, see above, negative influence.)
4. Social Media (My way to the friends I’ve made in Christ and through a wonderful congregation)
5. Writing (This helps so much therapeutically and helps me organize the millions of thoughts that run through this mind, daily. This goes for outside of this blog too, I love writing ol’ fashioned pen and paper style. I have a fox journal I keep with me AT ALL TIMES. Helps with DID, tremendously.)
6. My Son (He makes me want to be the best Mom and woman in the world. I want to be a spot of positivity in his life and know that you ALWAYS fight for what means the most to you in this life.)
7. My Family (See. Lots in both categories. Right now, my Mom and Dad are my biggest supporters, weirdly enough. It’s weird the way life goes full circle sometimes in desperate times of need.)
8. Scripture (It’s helping me realize the truths I have been so blinded by and refused to listen and understand. It has always been there to help me and now I’m finally taking advantage of all the Lord has given to me.)
9. Rekindled Friendships (I’ve rekindled some important people in my life from school. Ones that are worth fighting for to have in my life. One in particular that I want to explore the rest of my life with to be quite honest. I’m just so thankful to have some people back in my life.)
10. Reading (Expanding my mind to all the possibilities and little ways to get caught up in another world all together. Let my mind wander and be playful.)
11. My Hardships (Again, referring to the majority of the addictions in my life. They were my greatest weaknesses and now some of my greatest strengths I’ve ever worked through and continue to work through.)
12. Dissociative Identity Disorder (This one I struggled to figure out if this should go in both categories or not. Here’s how we see it, we are all one body and everything we’ve been through has always been together and it’s a beautiful sense of who we’ve become. I am so thankful for my protectors, persecutors, gate keepers, little comforters, trauma holders, emotionally sensitive protectors, library key holders, fictives, animal alters, and every single one that I’ve yet to discover or ever be able to meet. I know we strategically all have a place in this system and it runs smoothly, or as smoothly as we possibly can.)

That reminds me of something that Justin Peters, a respectable minister, said. This is from memory, but it was something along the lines of everything is strategically placed and works in an exact order under the ruling of our Lord that if something were to be out of place, we would all vaporize. I really like the way he says that. Vaporize. I feel like our internal system has a place and a way in which it works and if something were thrown off, the mind would completely vaporize, not knowing how to function properly and become a HUGE problem in itself. That’s just my opinion on the matter at hand. Nobody knows me like, well, US. That made me laugh.

That was really refreshing to be able to write down some positive and negatives. This is just a tiny list in all honesty, but it’s the ones that weight heavy on our minds a lot. Makes you think, doesn’t? -Lyle/Autumn