There are things that we come across in our lives that we love and know we will never get rid of even if there are holes worn in the legs or tears in the sleeves. Those little treasures that make us happy, secure and safe. I have looked far and wide for a pair of plaid red, pink, and black pj pants with pockets and came from Walmart, I’d say around 2004. They were the most comfortable pair of pj pants I’ve ever owned and haven’t been able to find a pair since. They were so torn it wasn’t salvageable. Strange way to start an entry, I know, but I was thinking about things that bring me comfort again because I haven’t been feeling good.

I’ve been nauseated on and off for about three days now and it’s so subtle that it’s almost irritating. Pepto has become my best friend and interrupted sleep has become my enemy. I just want to feel at my best because we are nearing the last few weeks of being in this house and I want to not be useless. It’s so bittersweet. The majority of things are packed away that can be. Basic necessities and the like are what we keep out to entertain ourselves. The realtor comes by Tuesday to sign some paperwork and get the sign in the front yard. My Mom, strong as she is, has really pushed herself to get everything prepared for our venture back to Florida. She is such a role model and I love her very much.

I’m not so nervous about the small group anymore. I can confidently say that I made my welcome video for my group and I’m proud of myself for setting a goal that I completed. Being on camera is a major trigger and being able to be comfortable enough to speak to 20 or so ladies without ever meeting a one (besides my best friend, Em) is something to be proud of. I did have help from a couple insiders, Autumn and Lyle. Kudos to them for being patient enough with me. I don’t think I would’ve been able to pull through. I also finished the book finally. It took me a little while but it’s just a book that has to be read in sections. It has a lot of information in it and can get lost so it’s easier to take my time. It ended up being really good and I did get something valuable from it. I sure hope my ladies do too.

Now I can start preparing questions and other fun things to enjoy with them. I just want them to feel led and informed by me through Christ. That’s all I honestly ask. I want to continue to pray to the Lord and ask him to place the wisdom, knowledge, and encouragement I know I’ve got in me to proceed successfully with this study. I am a beautiful daughter of the Lord and I will disciple to the best of my abilities, what he provides me with.

I had different thoughts that have been running through my head recently and it’s nice to just get out the randomness from time to time. This is how I am most of the time. It’s very scrambled and topics are never stuck to. The disorganization of this blog sometimes makes me wonder. It’s okay though, all of us together, it’s what makes me the person I am. I feel whole when I’ve got my insiders by my side. I’m really digging the new nickname. (Check you out, Bets. Good job. -Gus)

I’m trying to think now of another thing I wish I had. Oh, right. When I was in high school and I went to go visit my friend, Melinda, in Indiana (where I’m originally from) I met one of her friends. He was a huge fan of KoRn, as was I, and had this awesome black hoodie with KoRn written in huge black letters on the front. Black on black, what can I say. I can’t remember his name for the life of me but we connected right off the bat. It was a cold night kinda later in the year and we were sitting around one of JD’s infamous bonfires and I was shaking pretty bad. He took off his hoodie and gave it to me to wear and kissed me. I was shocked but it was nice and he held me the rest of the time, bonus. Being a 13-year-old it was a big deal.

Needless to say that was the only time I saw him before I left to go back down to Florida and took the sweater with me. I wore that thing until it had holes and looked ragged. Mom ended up cutting the name of the band out of the front and throwing it away and I was enraged. My boyfriend, Daniel, at the time was shocked when she threw it at me when we were in my room. Thank God she didn’t come in until after the handjob or that would’ve been awkward. Teenagers are horny little thangs, aren’t they? I remember when Daniel would wear my hoodie around school and when he’d return it the smell of him made my panties melt. So of course it was a sad day when I had to say goodbye to it.

Enough story time for today. I’ve got Tracker pretty co-conscious with me at the moment so I know what that means. Time to hop off here, have a quick smoke break, and talk to You. We both fancy You and you’ve never had a problem hearing what we both want the next time we meet. All I know is my birthday is only two Saturday’s after the weekend we move. Lucky 7/11 baby and you know we about to get lucky. Night y’all -Tracker/Betsy