It’s funny how I used to be so paranoid about not getting enough sleep or thinking my body couldn’t handle itself if I slept less than 8 hours. Ever since my traumatic situation, all of that has completely flown out the window. Whatever sleep I do get is cherished and I feel refreshed when my body tells me, “That’s enough sleep for tonight.” Of course I’ll have some lethargic moments in my morning, but not enough to make me want to lay down and nap for hours.
Today 5 AM sounded pretty good even if I tried to fight it because it’s Saturday, come on. I can’t even sleep in on weekends anymore. It doesn’t matter how much melatonin I take or if I decide to throw a xanax in the mix. I don’t sleep past 7 at the latest. I am thoroughly enjoying it, I’ve NEVER been a morning person. My whole life I dedicated it to sleeping until at least noon, and now the thought of that makes me feel like I’ve wasted precious time I can’t get back. Maybe that’s a new thing I’ve come to realize. Our time is limited here and I want to make the most of it. I’m liking these new positive actions I’ve been taking.
In case you were wondering, today’s verse is, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” -Romans 3:23 Boy if that ain’t the truth. I know where my one way ticket would be if God didn’t send his son to sacrifice himself on the cross and save me. Knowing the commandments are forever engraved in my heart because he died for me is more than I could ever imagine, let alone deserve. I’ve noticed I thank God a lot more for things I normally don’t. When I go on my walks in the morning and the beautiful blue sky is in sight, big fluffy white clouds pinned up to it, and the sun shining to guide my way, I feel blessed. Having worship music accompany helps quite a bit, makes everything feel spiritually blissful and being in the moment is quite pleasing.
Autumn is upon us and I couldn’t be more in my element. This is the time of year when I thrive more than struggle to survive. Now until about March. I’ve got peak performance times in my life and it’s almost like clockwork and when I know they are approaching and when they are coming to a close. Thank God it’s the beginning. I start to slip near the end and that’s when I know I’m going to do something stupid.
Positive thoughts. I have my Pumpkin Waffle candle burning and it’s enough to make me want to drink the wax as if it were a sweet syrupy river. I love fall scents. I’ve got quite a few lined up around my room because I can go through them rather quickly. Good thing they aren’t that expensive, I could easily spend some money on nostalgia. One I’ve really been enjoying is Pistachio Macaron. It surprised me, but it’s a sweet smell but not too overwhelming. Enough to bring a light warmth over the room.
I’ve been itching to write lately but I’m just not sure what I’ve wanted it to be about. I have so much clutter in my thought closet and I don’t want it to come tumbling out in an unorganized mess. I notice I have been having a hard time thinking about negative things here lately. I try my best to avoid it because I think I’m mentally drained of those kinds of things. I need a break from it. I will eventually process it all, and I do a little bit every day, but being stuck in flight or fight mode just doesn’t help it. It’s not as bad as it was. I don’t shake as bad and it feels like I’ve maybe sucked down a couple cups of coffee or energy drinks naturally instead of doing rails of cocaine. A plus? I’m going with it.
I’m glad it’s the weekend. My body jumps into certain states of being during the week. I am filled with excitement, love, thrill, and sexual desire. Never fails. My mania always comes to a front without fail and I love it. Patrick does something to me that I can’t place my finger on. These feelings tend to only strengthen every time I am near him. Touching him sends electric shocks down my arms and my heart aches for our time together. I’ve decided that I don’t need to hold back anymore because my heart absolutely knows what it wants and I’m not ashamed, nor would I ever be.
He’s mentioned going out to the beaches today and spending sometime out there. He has a friend who works at a cute bakery shop by the beach, so I’m hoping we get to check out the goodies there. We’ve both got Pokemon Go on our phones, so it’ll be nice to go on a stroll, catch some critters, and just enjoy each other’s company. Nerds at heart and I absolutely love it. I’ve been itching to get back out to the beach since we’ve moved back down to Florida. There’s something about Jacksonville Beach/Saint Augustine Beach that gives me a warm and calming feeling. Mind you, I was never a beach person before and will honestly always choose the mountains over it any day. I have just found more appreciation in God’s creations and the beauty each one holds individually. There’s a time to sink your toes into the sand and feel the warmth of the sun on your face as the waves crash in and the breeze whisps your hair wildly around your face. Smelling the sea air, slightly warm with a hint of salt. It’s a feeling I can sit, close my eyes, and recreate without having to be there.
I do have to admit, there is nothing like mountain air, staying in a cabin, with a roaring bonfire you took an hour making. It’s the experience and everything that comes with it. The sharp chill in the air, pulling your sweater closer into yourself, and an arm hung around your neck by the one you love the most. I am a sucker for roasting hot dogs over a fire. You’d think marshmallows would be the most obvious answer, but no, I am not a sweets eater to say the least. I am also not a fan of marshmallows unless they are those crunchy tiny ones in a packet of Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate. Mmmm…
This is by far, the best time of the year.