Autumn. Fall. Whatever you want to call it. I finally woke up and felt that “autumnal feeling.” Usually, living in Florida, it takes me a while to feel this way, but for some reason it’s like I woke up in a wonderful mood. Again, happier during this time of the year. I guess it could also be the new wax warmer I bought and the smell of salted caramel buttercream tickling my nose. You can smell it from all the way down the hall and out into the garage. I love walking into a home that smells seasonal.

It was nice to get out this morning and do a little nonsensical shopping. I found my autumn leggings and mustard yellow shirt, I do say, it looks pretty cute. Of course, first thing I always put on in the morning is my wolf necklace. I can’t go anywhere without it, just holds a lot of special meaning to me.

I went to the dollar store and got a little red fall bucket for all the Dum-Dums lollipops I have stashed in my drawer for my son. They needed a home. I also threw in some Frankenstein Reese’s Cups and Witches Brew Kit-Kats as well. I am by no means a sweets eater, this is all special little treats for my 5-year-old redhead, Eddie. On Fridays I like to put a little treat in his lunchbox. Fun Friday, can’t go wrong. We rotate the candy on Friday and during the week he gets other fun things I can scrounge up. He is a spoiled little man and Patrick most definitely is a key provider of the treats. Makes my heart happy and Eddie’s belly too.

Next stop was Walmart for a little of this and that. I ended up getting a Fall Farmhouse candle, it smells SO good. I can’t wait to light that puppy up. It’s nice to go back and forth between candle and wax warmer. I stumbled upon a baby blue, white, and dark purple plaid flannel zip up hoodie. I am so in love. My favorite color is Purple and that’s the main color, so that was a must. I am a flannel junky. Plaid is an absolute favorite of mine as well. I’m very tomboy with a little sexy girl thrown in. It’s nice to feel confidence again. Go me.

So I’ve figured out Werther’s Originals makes a caramel apple filled hard candy. To die for. One sweet treat I do love during this time of year, caramel apples. Can’t forget the nuts. I am a nut junky. Salty snacks are where it’s at in all honesty. If I’m not snacking out of my can of cashews, bag of teriyaki beef jerky, or turkey sausage sticks (new favorite thanks to Patrick) then there is something wrong. I never turn down a good bag of Chex Mix (Bold or Cheddar) or popcorn of multiple varieties. I could eat popcorn every day of my life, add a little white cheddar powder and we’re golden.

Now, that’s not been so much the case lately. I’ve kept up with myself here a lot recently. I went from being 180 lbs, not losing the Eddie weight for over 5 years, down to 144 and dropping. My goal weight is 130 pounds. My body has been thanking me for my daily walks/jogs and workouts. I crave healthier foods and my portion sizes have gone down tremendously. I just feel good and I’ve wanted to feel this way for so long but never had motive. So many things going on in my life and now there are clear motives and to continue striving to better myself in every way. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. I’m in a healing process and I can see the changes in many different aspects of myself and this is before the therapy with the help of good ol’ Prozac. Whatever works, right?

It’s been a long time since I’ve been proud of myself.

Never fails, my mind goes from one thing to the next and skips around and back to the main subject. You must excuse me, that’s just the way this dissociative brain works. I get a little here about what to write and then a little there, and then conversation in the back. It’s interesting sometimes to be quite honest. Normally they let me get out what I want to say even if we side track from time to time. This is Autumn time though, and they know that. I’ve got my “Positive Autumn Jazz” playing in the background and cup of coffee steaming beside me, still hot yet to sip. My room has a very warm, cozy, coffee shop vibe, and that’s the way I like it. You can tell who is out the most when in my office/bedroom. This room is honestly the perfect picture of a room to me. Down the road I will make sure whatever house I’m in, I will recreate this look because it’s a dream come true.

I think I’ll leave it here for today. I am so happy to be back in a more positive light and happily writing again. I’ve missed you friends. We, as a system, are working on making this life a good experience. Safety and harmony are key in survival. That will never be taken away from us again.

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