Today I am extremely grateful for this blog that has become a big part of my life. It has given me the ability to open up mentally to my own self as well as others. I have grown through experiences and can go back and read things when I need to look back. It’s little timestamps of what I have been through and what I continue to go through.
Looking on all seasons of life and seeing how different the style of writing and emotions flow from day to day. This was the beginning of starting to understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder and has let me communicate with my headmates so much more. It truly has helped me learn about myself and my true identity. I have gone so long honestly not knowing who I am or what I am about. I was hidden behind my ex-husbands expectations and interests that I didn’t even know my own anymore. I think it’s beautiful to get to know me as a person and the altars in my beautiful system.
Everyone is becoming more vocal and I’m able to recognize who is co-conscious with me a lot more. I sometimes have trouble but then I do something or think something and know exactly who’s personality and thoughts that would belong to. It’s exciting and frightening all wrapped up together. I feel comforted when I open up a new tab to write and feel all the feelings I’ve had whilst writing in here. My online therapy that I can do with myself without the judgemental views or opinions of a shrink. Don’t get me wrong, I can own up to whatever is thrown at me because I know who I truly am and what the Lord thinks of me and that’s all that matters. I am content in the waiting, to put it lightly.
I’m thankful that I still have my subscription paid until the end of January 2021. By that time I’ll have money in my account, paychecks deposited because of a better job in this renewed life. A functioning one where I can be independant and take care of my son. I want nothing more. I can feel the positivity that flows around me and through me and it’s so powerful that it excites me and my heart races. I’d rather feel this way for the rest of my life than wanting to end it all.
I’m starting to figure out where I’m being called in my life and it’s never been more clear to me than it is now. So thank you WordPress for being a beacon of hope in some of my darkest days and the majority of my lightest.
November 9th, 2020 Gratitude Scripture:
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” -James 1:17 ESV