Today’s prompt is something you are thankful for that is a disappointment or fear in your life. You’d think, “What would I possibly be thankful for that causes worry?” Well, I can actually answer that for myself as much as I felt confused.

I’m thankful for the disappointments of drug and alcohol addiction and the choices I’ve made in the past. I’m thankful for being fearful thinking I was going to die so SO many times. It’s made me feel the most alive I’ve ever felt. Going through every single bad thing, disappointment, fear… it’s only made me stronger. Being pushed to my final limits and meeting my alters and learning about being multiple was one of the biggest fears besides addiction I’ve ever had. They scared the straight into me two big times in my life. Both I was drunker than I’ve ever been and they weren’t about to have their life ended, let alone mine.

Thank God for the situations and hurdles we go through in this lifetime. It shows us where are weaknesses are and hopefully how to learn from them and avoid them as much as possible. I could sit here and name all the disappointing things about me, my guilty pleasures, fantasies, and sins I want to relive but have the decency to move towards the light, not from it. We all have our quirks, ticks, addictions, sins, temptations, and on and on. Being able to relate to others and work through it together is a blessing in itself. I’ve recently had my alcoholic friend come back into my life. She is now two weeks clean after being in the hospital because of it. I’m hoping this time it scared her straight enough. I will continue to be here for her as she is for me, regardless what happened in our past.

I actually talked to her the other day and she asked me where I’ve been. I told her that I was sorry, sometimes I get into my own head and pull away. She goes, “Yeah, don’t do that,” stern as all get out and it made me like snap into this reality that people really do care about me. I need to stop reverting back to negative coping mechanisms, that includes pulling away from people who truly do care. I was just so used to some extremely poker-faced people who seemed like they care when all they were trying to do was control because I was weak. I mentioned, “You have to understand where I’m coming from,” still, “Yeah, don’t do that.” I love that girl.

I went back and re-read a couple posts to fully understand how I wanted to go about this entry and I think I’ve done it justice for now.

November 21, 2020 Gratitude Scripture:

“I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day.” -2 Timothy 1:3

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