Look who finally decided to show face again, I can give you a running list of all the headmates who are crowded together this morning or just go through perspective one by one. My raver girl, Riley, is with me listening to ATB and DJ Tiesto bright and early this morning. All she is doing is sitting there nodding her head to the beat, so I doubt she will say anything. Yup, got a thumbs up.
Thanksgiving this year was more than I could’ve even imagined. Word of the day yesterday? Sober. I don’t remember the last time I was sober on a Turkey Day. That morning I woke up to my sweet son all cuddled up and snuggled under his snowman blanket. What a sight to see first thing in the morning. I was up around 5:45 because I could smell the coffee brewing. The night before I wanted to attempt setting the coffee pot to go off around 5:30 and it actually worked this time. It was a very pleasant smell to wake up to, if I do say so myself.
I stirred a little, hugged Patrick, and snuck out the door to grab myself a cup and greet Dad with a “Good morning.” I thoroughly enjoy getting up early now. I get so much more done. I took my steaming cup of goodness to my room and wrote out a Thanksgiving post for my small group and had some time with God. Writing scripture helps tremendously to start out the day on the right foot. To be able to look up and see Patrick snuggled up under my blanket and Morty laying on his feet really made me cheese. I thought, “This is the way my life will always be from now on.”
Around 8 am I tiptoed back over to Eddie and layed down to wait for his sweet smile to greet me. That’s exactly what I got. He flopped his whole body on me, dead weight, and goes, “Morning Mommy, I love you…” in his groggy little 5-year-old voice. It was sweeter than I could’ve ever imagined. We lay there for a little bit talking about our dreams and then he asked if Patrick was in my room. We made our way down the hallway and he goes, “Patrick, you’re here!” Talk about melt my heart. He was on my bed playing on his Switch and Eddie asked if I’d grab his Kindle to sit next to him and do his own thing.
A little while later I got Eddie dressed and him and Papa John proceeded to take the old truck over to my sister’s house. Eddie specifically requested to take the old truck, it was so cute. He definitely has a lot of my dad’s qualities and interests. I took my shower, made myself up, and premade the green bean casserole I make every year. Everyone has their own signature dish.
I packed up my things for my long weekend at Patrick’s and spent a little alone time with him before heading to my sissy’s. We ran by Dunkin, my obsession, and he got me a peppermint mocha iced latte. Totally hit the spot. Then we made our way.
When we got to Hayley’s, her fiance, Christos, and Dad were out in the garage doing their own manly thing. We went inside and was greeted by an excited Eddie running up to hug us and Hayley, beautiful as always, right behind him.
My Mom was slaving away in the kitchen, doing what she does best. I do say, she is an amazing cook, but whose Mother isn’t? Patrick contributed fudge on his behalf, which was sweet (literally). We took a seat in the living room and had wonderful conversation with everyone until Grandma Great and Pa Bear showed up. I love them so much and the conversations we all have together are fulfilling and memory-making, for sure. Bo Duke, their sweet black lab, was making his rounds sitting on our laps. You know, labs are total lap dogs. 😉
Hayley had her long table set nicely, name plates at each spot and a card to write what we were thankful for. It’s the part I love the most. You’d almost think Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday or something. Once the food was done we all grabbed our grub and sat at the table and said the prayer. Pa Bear did a wonderful job as always. He has a big booming voice and it always reminded me of a preacher. Eddie then made everyone fold their hands again and say his prayer. I love that boy so much. His love for God and his family is absolutely amazing to me. He truly is Papa Eddie reincarnated.
Bo Duke knew to sit by me as I kept feeding him bits of turkey. Patrick’s hand on my knee and Gram smiling sweetly at me. The food was wonderful and the conversation, plentiful. We went around the table at the end and read what we wrote on the cards. We had a ton of thankful for family, health, and the like. I was thankful for growth of all natures. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. God giving me a huge second chance and building my relationships old and new. Patrick said something that amazed me, and I watched Mom’s eyes light up and a smile cross everyone’s face. He was thankful for all the people in Eddie’s life that is taking care of him and to be with our family. It may seem small, but let me tell you, it’s HUGE.
After dinner Hayley, Eddie and myself decided to play old Playstation games. We started off with “Crash Bandicoot, Crash Team Racing.” We played a couple different tracks against each other and had a blast. We played a little Frogger, Parappa the Rapper, Cool Boarders 2, Lara Croft in the 1997 Tomb Raider (pointy boob edition), and WWF Smackdown! 2: Know Your Role. Of course I chose Chris Jericho and Hayley picked Scotty 2 Hotty. Jericho won, go figure. 😉 I used to play that game religiously.
Once the festivities were done we hugged them goodbye and thanked them for such a great first Thanksgiving in their new house. I was smiling from ear to ear when we left because I had a normal holiday, sober, with family, and the people who love and truly care about me, as I them.
We ended up going down the road to the “hell house” because I needed some important paperwork for my new job and to get my license reinstated. I found both, miraculously, in the same place. We grabbed a couple pictures of Eddie from the wall and bedroom, and my fox picture Mom and Chris got me for Christmas one year. It’s sentimental to me. I also grabbed a couple of other things that were meaningful and we left. It was strange being in there in the dark, using phone flashlights because the electricity had been off since August. I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about that house anymore. I honestly don’t want to get into the emotions I felt, the triggers I experienced, or the memories that kept popping up at the moment. I’m sure one day I will, but that day is not today. I just made sure to get what was most important and lock the door one last time. Goodbye Hell, you will NEVER be missed.
We came back to Patrick’s and watched The League because Lord knows, I love me some Nick Kroll. He is a guilty pleasure. I was still feeling a little funny and dissociated because the smell of the place was still lingering in my lungs. Patrick sprayed one of his shirts with his cologne for me to hold onto (one of my grounding scents) and grabbed my wolf blanket and put in next to my face to feel the soft safe feeling of comfort. We layed next to each other watching that show for a little while and then fell asleep.
Needless to say I had all sorts of dreams last night that were very telling and really shown me what I thought about everything. It was like I almost recapped and was shown what life went from to what it is now and how it’s going to transpire. I have premonition dreams all the time and it’s almost scary. My Gram is the same way. I’ve had quite a bit go exactly the way in which I dreamt it and makes me question everything a lot of times. God has some messages he needs to get across and they are heavy and prominent.
This morning when I woke up, the energy hit me and I could feel Billy being his sweet and productive self. It made me feel good because they knew the toll going over there last night had on me. Such sweet head mates. Lyle and Candace continue to check in, even when they don’t say anything, I know when they are there. Tracker is around and Sterling. I know he was present last night when he was getting pissed about all the liquor bags in the passenger seat of my car, which of course was unlocked for anybody to get in there. When I was in the garage getting my folders with paperwork he saw bottles and threw them across the pile of shit that built up over the years. I can also feel him very strongly right now because there was so much I was getting pissed about. Not today, I can’t. I want to have a good weekend. I need to calm down.
I’m about to work on my small group and a couple other things. I need to spend time with God today and fall deep into his word and just listen to what he whispers to me through it. My body feels like it needs a spiritual cleanse to dust off the demons that followed me back last night. It’s a strange feeling. Sadie is nowhere in sight. I can’t feel her and it makes me almost wish she went dormant, like I left her in that house for good. Closure from my past.
I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving full of love and family. Until tomorrow, I’ll leave you with “scripture catch-up.”
November 25, 26, 27, 2020 Gratitude Scripture:
“And we know that for that those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28
“I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers,” -Ephesians 1:16
“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, thanksgivings be made for all people,” -1 Timothy 2:1
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