I honestly don’t know if it’s delirium from lack of sleep, food, and the copious amounts of daytime and nighttime Alka Seltzer Cold & Flu I’ve been taking, but I feel high. I’ve felt this way for about three days now. Floating, nothing hurts, nothing bothering me. A lot of times I can’t feel my own body, I don’t feel like I’m actually inside of it. The motions happen and I just watch. It’s so beautifully strange.

I wake up like this and my intent is then to write and put all these thoughts out there. I get comfortable and ready to let all that’s on my mind out and I draw a blank. Am I just not ready to reveal what my mind is in constant thought over? Why am I dissociating so bad all of a sudden. I was filled with so much happiness, not that I’m not right now. Don’t get me wrong, I feel numb in a good way. Like, a really good way. Don’tcha think?

I literally wrote that last paragraph with my eyes closed the entire time but it’s as if I could see it when I was writing it. I watched my fingers glide over the keys and the words pop up on my screen, but I swear, my eyes were closed. Or were they? This is fun. I like this feeling.

My body is so tired. I feel absolutely exhausted but my mind wants to get going. It’s firing on all cylinders and wants to go, go, go. All the time. My body just can’t keep up. I guess that’s why I’ve been treating myself differently lately. Putting good foods in, exercising, and trying to make better decisions mentally. I seriously feel like I’ve smoked right now. I wish I had smoke right now. Helps me to sleep and calm my mind.

Delusional and out of my mind. I’m not 100% here right now. Not one bit. It’s just a feeling and it’s hard to feel at the moment, so it’s strong. I have been trying to sleep and it’s not working because I’ve got SO much running through my mind constantly. It won’t stop. So many voices, so many thoughts, not enough time for this worthless vessel. It’s no joke, earthly things definitely have an expiration date. It’ll be nice when it can be replaced with my heavenly one.

I don’t know if I should post this because it’s not thought out, this is just like the “in between” time of dissociation and nothing is really making sense to me. Or too much sense, if that makes any sense. Yea, I’m going to post this.

Do you ever question your life?

Do you ever wonder why?

Do you ever see in your dreams, all the castles in the sky?

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