Why is it that during the night I get a wired feeling from one to four hours? It’s so strange. I feel tired but my mind is just buzzing. My fingers want to go so many ways in what to talk about. I really had no plan to do this but figured if I’m up, why not see what’s going on in that ol’ noggin of mine?

I got to talk to Victoria today over VC. I always enjoy talking to her. The love and encouragement she provides is one in a million. She has a huge and heavy heart. It’s so cute what you observe when talking to people over VC because you can see their emotions and study their face when they talk. So much emotion and truth behind the human emotion, it’s crazy.

I’m so proud of her for moving up in the Ministry and being as highly dedicated as she is. I look up to her. Time seems to just slip by when we are talking. It feels like and hour and a half is only ten minutes. It’s the company you keep. I’m so lucky to have been given such a wonderful best friend and sister in Christ. Not a lot of people get this experience. God blessed us both and knew we would be each other’s comfort in trying times.

I have yet to say anything about that Aetna job I started last month. So I guess I will now. I REALLY enjoy what I’m going to be doing for this company. I’ve never felt more welcomed at a company and completely cared for. Mentally, Physically, and Spiritually. Yes, that’s right, spiritually. In our training class the majority believe in God and that’s a miracle in itself. I had the trainer reach out to me to talk about Proverbs 31 Ministries and pursuing a writing career. It’s so strange how He sets up these meetings.

The people in my training class are absolutely wonderful. Every one of them, quirks, and all. I feel like we could have our own television show with the way we all get along and feed off of each other. I have a feeling this job is not only that, but a start to a beautiful career for the time allotted. My sweet Patrick, you’ve helped me out in so many ways, this job is just one of them.

I’m watching my life fall into perfectly fit pieces and the puzzle has more than an outline. It’s finally revealed exactly what my life is becoming. Beautiful. Full of Trust. Honesty. Purity. Renewal. This picture is unlike any other I’ve seen before and I am the one to witness it and learn of some truths I didn’t think would be manageable in this lifetime. God is with us all the time and when we fully trust in him, then we can finally wake up.

Is there any other direction my mind feels like going tonight? Any body? The body is up for grabs, let’s go let’s go let’s GOOO!

Alright, hey y’all, I’m Zeus. I have curly sandy blonde hair about half way down my jaw. I’m about 6’0 tall, lanky, and brown eyes. I smoke and enjoy the feeling of being high. A lot. It’s probably the best time for me to think in all honesty. The truth comes out, I feel this sense of calm and appreciation for what’s been provided to me.

Just so you know while Zeus was introducing himself he completely slipped from my grip. Like I said, my mind is literally all over the place tonight. No wonder after I get my thoughts out I’m able to fall asleep. Praying helps as well. It’s a comfort to be in conversation with God and fall asleep. Like putting your head on his lap, talking about everything and anything and then the warmth makes you fall asleep. It’s a father-daughter bond and that’s beautiful.

Zeus is trying so hard to front and it’s absolutely ridiculous. I can hear his thoughts but they are faded and like he is jumping up and down because he is pissed.

Geez…okay, there we go. High. I’m Zeus. I am that carefree spirit that roams around inside keeping the teens in check. Somebodies gotta do it, might as well be me. My teenage years impacted my life the most. A lot of horrible things happened during that time and that’s why a lot of my alters are teenagers. My mind literally feels stuck around the age of 19 all the time. There are times I rarely can come back to age. Something really traumatized me and I feel like I can’t grow up and need to be protected all the time. I lost Zeus again as you can tell.

Coming back and reading these posts blows my mind because half the time I don’t remember writing these things. It’s fun to be able to read what another part of me was thinking or feeling at the moment. I try to be a subtle middle ground when it comes to the way I act. I am not a mean person, but I’m also beginning to learn not to take shit from anyone. My confidence boost went through the roof and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad yet. I feel the good pulling at me more but there is always that sense of darkness there. At this point in my life darkness has little to no hold on me. The positive thoughts and bringing it to God has truly impacted my life in ways I never thought possible.

I’m starting to feel tired, which was the whole point of this little experiment. I do have to get up at 6 because it’s entire body hair removal day. Like clockwork, every Friday morning at 6 I draw a bath with Epsom salt and avocado oil. I grab my razor and my phone and put on the Jennifer Rothschild 4:13 Podcast, and take some “Me” time for the week.

Sometimes afterwards I’ll paint my finger and toe nails or do my make up in another color besides Purple. Pretty much my signature color. My Elsa inside. Seriously. Who would’ve thought you could have an Ice Queen living inside you? I mean, I completely understand why I need her. It makes complete sense in my mind. She was left out and pushed to the side because of her “disability.” She locks herself in her room, isolating herself because she feels like she isn’t good enough for the world. Something is broken inside and I don’t know how to fix it, type deal.

Wasting away in poetry writing and short story telling on LiveJournal. Figuring out her sexuality and becoming this person who wasn’t really that person AT all. It was like a monkey suit to jump into every morning, zip up, and go about my day. Conforming to whatever I felt I had to so I could “fit in.” Pathetic. I just didn’t want to feel alone, abandoned, or judged. I made friends with every single click in high school and it’s only now starting to make complete sense to me. I swear, I learn something new about myself every day.

I think I’m going to go a head and let’s call it a night. You know what came to mind as soon as I typed that? The song Christoff sang with Sven in the first Frozen.

Reindeers are better than people
Sven, don’t you think that’s true?

Yeah, people will beat you
And curse you and cheat you

Every one of ’em’s bad except you.

Oh, thanks buddy

But people smell better than reindeers
Sven, don’t you think I’m right?

That’s once again true
For all except you

You got me, let’s call it a night. Good night
Don’t let the frostbite, bite

(Any writing errors will be corrected in the morning. I’m flippin tired.)

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