So I’ve decided while I’m working today to let my thoughts run wild, see what I think about during the day, and see if I remember to write it down. Just thought it’d be fun to see where my mind travels during the day.

So, just a minute ago I was thinking, I can be my own person. I’m not judged at the moment by anyone and I’m living and loving my life the way I want to. To be able to have a clear conscious and feel able and positive in my every day, is something I haven’t felt since I was a kid. No joke.

Working from home can sometimes be dangerous, I’ve noticed. I try not to have other distractions but things are all around me. Background music, multiple screens, barking dogs, wanting to check emails or small group, reading devotionals or scripture to keep me going throughout my day, and WordPress. I’ve wanted to write for a couple days now and when I have that “slacker” feeling, I feel guilt. It’s not like I’m expected to write or have a deadline to put anything out. I just feel like I should? Weirdo…

What makes this humorous? We are discussing listening skills and making sure you show empathy. That’s me in a nutshell. The empathetic one. It’s weird to multitask because I’m still hearing my trainer and understanding and comprehending as I type. It’s wonderful.

Well, I just calculated how much I can spend a day. 42 dollars a day is not bad, if I do say so myself. Now will I? If I’m manic…YES. If I’m seriously trying, nope. I already used $16.00 today to renew my probiotics and I’ll be good on those for 3 months. See, responsibility. Not purchasing the $129.00 cart on my BoxLunch account? Responsible. Will I have the willpower, eventually, no. I need to stop making carts I can later on purchase. Ugh.

I just mentioned to Patrick I put more than half of next month’s rent in savings. I am so excited to move in with him. I can’t get over this excitement. It’s like random bursts of that dropping feeling in your stomach when you are on a roller coaster. I just keep daydreaming about simple things. Making coffee in my new Keurig in my morning, making him breakfast, desserts, and cooking dinner. Cleaning and keeping it neat. Having Dexter right by my side, all the time. I am SO looking forward to having a husky in my life again. He is such a big baby, I love my one-eyed Dexxy!

I’m getting into the part of my day where a headache comes on and I feel sleepy. I’m saving my Monster Java energy drink for tomorrow. I’m so excited to see my sweetheart tomorrow. I want all the hugs, kisses, and loves. I’ve been feeling like an emotional baby lately and just want to be held in his arms. I can only smell his jacket, wear his shirts, pj pants, boxers, and snuggle my stuffed animals from him for so long before I NEED his physical contact.

So we’ve got worksheets we do for practice. I enjoy them, makes the time pass, but some days I’m just not feeling them. Today is one of those days big time.

So it’s 3 am. Guess what ya girl did? Bought that cart on my Box Lunch account. I’m telling you, late night is not a good night. I mean, it is for me when I get surprises in the mail I forgot I even purchased. Bad for my wallet. I’m not worrying though, I’m confident in this “new” me. I can’t wait for it to get here. I got a V-day surprise for Patrick and myself. I never thought I’d do what I just did, but don’t worry, y’all will see a picture of it in February.

My thought was to go a head and continue this entry today at work as well, and I’m still contemplating. Do I want this to go up? Will I hold off like I held off on that purchase? So I’m going with no? No. Probably not.

I filed my taxes today. I am claiming Eddie this year because that’s just the way things worked out. I’m just happy this money is ACTUALLY going to go towards him and not anything else. I want him to know exactly what he means to me and the gifts he is going to bless this world with by the grace of God alone. I want my son to know he NEVER has to worry about being taken care of and now? That’s a true reality for him and I. Sad to say, whether it’s just Eddie and I against the world, or as a little family unit with Patrick. WE. Will. ALWAYS. Take. Care. Of. Eddie.

You can not serve both God and Money. Here’s my thing, God provides for the day. Every hour, minute, second. I honestly think I spend the way I do because I know I’m taken care of by my Father. Money and possessions of this world are useless. Treasures stored in Heaven are FOREVER. Who cares if I decided I want to collect all of the Disney things, coffee mugs, fuzzy blankets, books, Bibles, pens, journals…Whatever! It’s not going with me to my eternal Home. I would like to surround myself with things that bring me JOY and positive energy while I await my turn Home. I enjoy this clean, pure fun. It’s enjoyable in all new ways I never thought I’d come to know and love and cherish.

It’s funny how when you realize what you’ve put yourself through. You had to go through that experience to appreciate your life now. If not this life would be bland and predictable. We each have a script and a persona (or many) and we don’t get to rehearse. This is a one shot take. When we make a mistake, we ask for forgiveness and we pick right back up where we left off. Life is not perfect. It has no cuts or “Take 2.” It’s a never-ending script with plot twists and “I saw that coming,” or “I did not see that coming,” reactions.

It’s the most popular show on in the realm of spirituality and it’s starring all of God’s beautiful creations. The Director, The Producer, The Writer, The Narrator, The Plot Twist, The Decisions, The Solutions, The Word.

He is the most amazing author of all time. My love and passion for the written word, pen to paper, thought to action, eyes to page. Every part of it I endlessly love and it’s a gift and love that came from my Father. How beautiful is that? A scribe I will forever be, I know that’s my calling. Bringing men and women alike to God is my calling, just uniquely me. My job description that I already was hired onto before I even knew of my existence. We were all foreseen and believed in as He asks us to believe in Him. How much is that to ask? Not a lot. I can tell you that.

If you want to subscribe to a life full of simplicity, love, honor, and eternity, God is the Answer.

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