Have you ever thought to yourself, “I am okay,” and really meant it? Same. Until I truly am okay. I am honest to God satisfied with where I am at in this point of my life. It’s beautiful. I’m not married. I have a sweet man who loves me as if I were his wife. My son is a blessing from above in every literal sense. My family is close and I know they care deeply for me as I do for them. I get a sweet husky companion again. Autumn and her Dakota. Or Betsi and her Dexter (Dexxy). I live in a two story condo half the week and a beautiful ranch style home the other half. I am living two lives. Seriously. I know I am.
I am okay.
I love doing therapeutic things. Here is what I consider therapeutic:
- Journaling (Obviously)
- Studying the Bible
- Making a cup of coffee and mixing the flavors to get a swirl of amazement on my tongue.
- Putting things together. Figuring out what one thing has to do with the other and how it all relates to the Bible.
- Writing, drawing, painting, pottery, photography
- Sitting on the beach, toes in the sand and listening to the waves hum its’ beautiful tune.
- Going for walk
- Listening to a record on a record player.
- Sipping on hot chocolate and cuddling up to Eddie.
- My son. I love him so much.
- Praying, spending time with the Lord. (That of which I’ve been getting A LOT of lately. I feel one hundred times better.)
- Volunteering for Proverbs 31 Ministries.
- Folding fresh laundry
- Washing dishes
- Cleaning, really.
- Choose Your Own Adventure Stories.
- Epsom Salt Baths
- Lighting candles/Wax Warmers
I ran out of things to list at the moment. Just had the itch to make a list. I do that from time to time if you’ve been with me for a while. Something about them is so organizational and alluring. Me in a nutshell.
You know even through it all, I am cared for. Loved. Taken care of. It’s all through the Lord that this is happening. Isn’t that magnificent? I couldn’t be in a better place at the moment than I am right now.
Do you know what today is? Just another day. No longer an anniversary, just an ordinary day in the year. I choose to not let my past define me and the memories attached to certain days to stay any longer. I’ve made so many new memories attached to old things and it’s such a great feeling to be able to enjoy things I pushed away for so long. There is a point where things can be appreciated “in the moment.” That’s how I’m trying to live, in the moment. I have to say, it’s working really well now.
I can’t stop thinking about my next advancement in the church. I can’t believe I signed up for Psychology at a Christian college. It blows my mind I’ve finally went through with something. I can’t tell you how excited I am. I love school. Plain and simple. I didn’t want to seem like a nerd so I tried to “fit in” which was technically “fitting in to not fit in?” Aka “The Outsiders.” Aka “The goth, emo, poetry kids.” Or as Ricky could call it, “The Leftsiders.” Or Left side of the bell tower. Funny. I am mentioning this. I had to get my transcripts from the high school today.
So I’m not sure where I’m going with this today.
I am okay.