My whole life was depicted by Disney fantasies of finding my Prince Charming or run away with Robin Hood. A clever fox with a selfless heart and the making of an “outer” badass. What is it with me and foxes? Maybe I’m just Foxy, who knows…
I’d like to share my experience about receiving something extremely special from someone I know I’m going to live out my life successfully with. So here goes…
It was a day like no other, the stand-alone a/c unit from Amazon (that’s absolutely AH-mazing) was humming its cool and jazzy tune. My dapper of a Dan (Patrick) beside me, head curved down into my chest, hand secure on my hip, and lips that I was dying to kiss. Okay, is anybody else getting a little hot? Or is it just me?
It was about 8 o’clock (which is sleeping in for me) and I was so DEPRESSED. I’m talking, 20 pound weight blanket that your son is in love with, and that heaviness that swells in your eyes making you want to cry at any moment. That’s about where I was at. These days happen. I wake up and it’s already there, weighing me down and trying to get me to stay in that bed. Something I was very fond of as hungover as I used to be all the time.
I covered my head with my Lady and The Tramp blanket and sighed deeply. I could feel concern resonate off of him and he sat down beside me and lifted the blanket. He asked, “What’s bothering you, dear?” I willingly replied, “I’m actually extremely depressed today.” A moment of consoling and I was out and in the living room to begin my day of self-pity parties.
An hour later Patrick came out of the room and says that it’s time to “Play Hooky.” It’s been about since high school since I’ve done that but this time, it’s with the right person. You live and you learn. I was all for it. I knew if I didn’t just get out and live a little, I was going to revert back to a bad habit. It’s like quenching your thirst for the sin you are in. You get a little taste and it can calm you for about another month or two. You could also compare it to a vampire needing its sinful lifeline of human blood. It will save or kill you.
We both got ready and went out the door to begin our little day date. We went to a couple different places. Game Stop, Barnes and Noble, and another place I wasn’t expecting to EVER step foot into. The Apple Store.
I knew what was about to take place in all honesty, but it didn’t feel real. I was extremely dissociated the majority of the time we were going through the motions of purchasing a phone. For the record, I don’t have any good ones because I am cursed when it comes to technology, apparently.
We get led into the store and asked what we are there for. Patrick, without skipping a beat, “I’d like an iPhone 11 in mint green, if you have it.” I’m not sure what number of “mind-blown” I was at yet, but it’s was probably in the double digits. When Leslie asked who the service would be for today, he again, “It’s for her.” My heart didn’t beat out of my chest, it retreated into a silent cave and stopped. Then after a few seconds of realizing I’m just staring off wondering when my heart was going to start again I felt a “woosh” wash over me and my heart thumped with so much love that it overwhelmed my whole body. I felt completely disjointed from myself and I could just stand there and watch it all take place.
I held back tears until in the car. Needless to say, I don’t remember much of him paying for it, what was said after that, it was like a dream. This is a big deal to me because I’ve never had nice things in a romantic relationship. Not like this. A nice thing in my previous relationship would consist of a shiny Irish delight or as it’s labeled, “Tullamore Dew Irish Whiskey.” Slamming back shots and not remembering shit until the next day. “Living the dream, surviving the nightmare”, as you used to say, darlin.
If you haven’t guessed, yes, I am a trauma holder.
Back to what is important, Patrick’s humbled and compassionate gesture. It was not about the phone and it never will be. It’s about the selfless and Christ-like mentality that he already possesses. It’s amazing the morals, patience, and acceptance this man has to offer. The holy spirit resonates within him and he shows me it ALL the time. I’ll explain.
Wiping away my tears and explaining over and over and over again how this is not anything I expected and I would never take advantage of his time, money, or soul. It’s not possible. I don’t understand how the scum he was with before could just use and abuse this man like that. It’s not within my nature to want to ever hurt the person I am with, until you royally hurt me. That is how I used to go about the situation. I don’t care what happens, I will never hurt Patrick. If I do, I will always be honest and apologize. To even think of being with another man or woman (Even if I joke about it to deflect from the pain of my ugly past) it’s non-existent. She is dormant.
When he looked into my eyes, there was a light behind his beautiful silk brown eyes that almost turned them into a caramel color. I saw what genuine love actually looks like. For the first time. I have NEVER had this experience before. His smile and the way he was looking at me had me feeling all sorts of ways. At that point I didn’t know how to feel physically. I was numb, but my emotions, thriving.
It was the most mind-blowing moment of them all, and I did experience quite a bit that day.
True love. It does exist. You just have to start letting God chisel away the pieces that don’t belong and shape you into the person you were always meant to be.