I can move on. Resolving my case was one of the most satisfying things. I feel so many different changes within that I can’t describe. I feel a calm and peace I’ve never known. I have no urge to touch the bottle again. It makes me sick to my stomach from the way it made me live my life. I’ve awoken and it is so beautiful on the side of the valley. You sure did walk that dark valley for a long time with me, Lord. I finally get to heal and enjoy the green pastures. The chaos is left behind and I only look forward now.
There’s a shift that happened inside and I can feel me again. The girl I used to be, the one I always should’ve been. I buried you so deep down and you’ve finally found your way out. I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of where you’ve come from and where you are going. I’m in love with your relationship with our Father, it’s a blessing in disguise. The journey I am on is only getting better and becoming clearer to me. Praying and talking to You every day only makes my day better. When you talk to me through Scripture, it’s on point and wonderful. This moment in my life is the closest I’ve ever felt to you and I only want it to grow.
I am super dissociated tonight, very spacy. I’m relaxed and I feel like I have no energy. Completely lethargic but at the same time my mind is going. My baby got me a sweet little something and it made me feel so loved. Wanna see?
He knows how to make me feel like the only girl in his world. He is a gift I at first didn’t think I deserved. I know now, we just needed to find each other to make this life seem right. We work. It’s peaceful and love and calm and joy. It’s the complete opposite of what life used to be. It’s simple and true. This is how I pictured life so long ago and I guess the best was saved for last. It’s become a new beginning to happiness. Happiness I never knew. Not like this.
I won’t take for granted what the Lord has given to me. He’s helping me heal relationships and show me the truth. I was so blind. I don’t know why it had to take this long to figure it all out but it was worth it. Tough love from a Father who loves me so much. I was so closed off, not anymore. I don’t want to be locked up inside. I can finally breathe. Self-sabotage no longer has a home within me. It broke off and the feeling is not there anymore. It’s been so long, this restoration happened at just the right time in my life. Timing is perfect. I don’t know what I need for my life, but you do. I trust my life in your hands.