and it all came from a chapter in the book “It Starts With Us” by Colleen Hoover. You find a least one thing about yourself in everything you read. There is just some feature that you possess. This woman has been in an abusive and toxic relationship and she is now with a man who is giving back her trust in men after being abused and torn down.

Standing there in my doorway … I just knew. I knew. It was the beginning of a Quest in my life and man did this one have many veins in it. I went through falling back apart and almost losing the real love of my life three, maybe four times. My exact thoughts every fucking time are, “I never and will never deserve you. Just fuck it up now, you’ll never be happy again.” That’s how it was. He has helped me break the chains and I am a free woman now.

Free from the life of booze, bruises, and bad shit. It was a hell hole of a life. My brain feels on fire when I think of it. I don’t have to anymore. What a gift from above. I can finally be the woman, the daughter I’ve always meant to be.

All of the trust and love, compassion and truth. It’s mad and amazing at the same time. I’m captivated by everything this man does. He makes me feel like a woman. I’m finally me. It’s so nice to be back after so long. I’m learning myself again and there are so many neat things. I’m truly finding a love of cooking. It’s just something passionate inside of me when I do. I want to be better and just take my time and my pace of learning the ropes. A leisurely activity. I could try baking, I haven’t done too bad in my life. Practice makes perfect.

I love reading again. So much. I love writing again. I enjoy leading women in Online Bible Studies. I love my music and walks in the morning (even when my legs are begging me to stop.) I’m an achy bitch. My legs have always been bad, even when I was little, I feel. Go figure. It’s all the extra weight I’ve put on that’s doing it, I know it is. That’s why I got back into walking. I had such a busy week last week that I didn’t get to it, and I did feel bad about it. I am Monday, so, I just need to stop thinking about it.

I’ve taken a few hits to help mellow me out for the night. Medicinal is beautiful. I believe in the healing properties of Marijuana. You may think, “No shit, ya addict.” It’s not abused when you use it properly. I think I was literally just thinking that about myself. It happens when it’s a multiple mind. I’m starting to go away from the topic at hand.

This is more fun anyway. I love to see what all is to be said when I’ve decided the pain has gotten so bad, it’s a mary jane type of night. And my mind goes blank.

Tune in next time when … (I won’t have any idea what I’m doing then either.) Night!

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