I feel like I now have a long line of lists to make. I should probably start packing up some of the stuff in my bedroom to make some space. I need boxes, so I should find a way to get some of those. We saved some boxes to use as well. I bet I could call up Winn-Dixie and get some off of them. They used to do that for people all the time. The liquor store anyway. I bet they would be nice enough to put 10-15 to the side.

I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday to go over the new medication and I’m going to mention the severe leg pain I’ve been having. The goal is to be on Tramadol, the ONE thing that actually works. Hopefully, he will understand that nothing else I take touches the pain. It can be excruciating, especially when I flare up. I have put up with it for far too long now.

I have my gastro appointment in December right when the referral expires so I also need to ask him about that if I remember.

I feel like I should be writing this down, not out on a blog. It just gives me something to do. I feel so bored lately. Finding things to do is crazy. I’ve been playing Disney’s Dreamlight Valley and it’s awesome. I just don’t want to make that an obsession and constantly be on it. I make myself take breaks so I don’t become a video game junkie. Not saying I don’t mind it, it’s better than alcohol.

I made it through October without a drop of it. That, my friend, is an absolute feat! I have not done that for a good 17 years, at least. It feels so good to make it to November. My year will be at the beginning of April and I know I can make it. The urge is not like it used to be and every time my mind goes to the thought, I tell myself, “That’s old me.” I am the new me now. I’m moving in a brighter and more positive way and it’s going to stay that way.

I plan on going for a walk tomorrow. I went Monday, but it was a short one in the back of the neighborhood because of how much my whole body was aching. I feel the pain from my knees down. I lasted longer than expected this morning. I will have to take my normal concoction in order to walk properly here soon. I hate having to do it, I feel like it becomes another addiction. It’s not though, it’s to honestly help with horrible pain and I have to remember that.

Whenever I do too much of something I think that I’m going to become addicted again. It’s a general fear that I am learning to manage. It’s hard. I don’t think it’ll ever be something I’m completely rid of, but I’m working on bringing the feeling way down.

I feel tired. My medication keeps me up when I take it, so that’s good. It keeps me in a quick panic-like state to where I’m aware. Oddly enough, it works. If I start to worry, I get a quick adrenaline rush, and then it goes away. May have to make sure that’s normal. My appetite is hardly there, so now I know when I boredom eat because I have no taste for it and then feel absolutely disgusting afterward. I’m learning what my body needs, it’s a journey.

Tomorrow my son has a med screen for ADD/ADHD. I don’t think he is hyperactive, but I could be very well wrong. We had to fill out some papers about his behavior as well as a couple teachers and the results were a little different than I thought it was going to be. I am interested to see what happens.

So our study just came to a close and now I feel like I have nothing to do. I love working for the ministry but I just can’t bring myself to be a writer for them right now. I feel out of place now because I won’t have anything to do until the beginning of the year. Our next study won’t start until the end of January. Ugh. What have I done? The thing is, I know I’d be unhappy if I were writing each week for them. I am between a rock and hard place. My new job starts November 14th and I feel that can’t come quick enough. I don’t like to be bored. I could be making money and being bored. You know …

I think I will write out a little list in a little bit so that I can check it off. I’ve never been someone to check off a list. I just thought maybe it would give me tasks to do so that I won’t be as bored. Is this what real life feels like? I used to consume YouTube and all that junk and now I’m like, Nah, it’s not productive. I’m not sure really what I can do right now. My hubby is sleeping and all of the things I want to do, I don’t want to wake him up to do.

Guess I’ll write my list.

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