You’ve no idea how messed up things have been. It’s been at least since the last post I did that I’ve been in this funky anxiety-riddled bipolar depression. It was so bad that I was literally covered up in bed as much as I could be, even when with my son I would have a blanket wrapped around me the whole time. It was madness and something I never wanted to have to go through again.

It made me feel like I hate the new apartment we are in, my job, my Proverbs 31 group, my living in general. It was like someone was twisting a knife in my stomach continuously and it kept me from eating. I lost 8 pounds during this time because food was something I just could not do. I would have to smoke a little of our medicinal weed vape in order to have ANY appetite whatsoever. I kept begging God to take this away and whenever I did I just did not feel heard. It was a scary feeling.

I went through three different medications and I demanded to be put back on Prozac which ended up having the WORST adverse effects. I would wake up and panic until I felt like I was going insane. It wouldn’t stop. That’s when I knew I had to end that medication because it only got worse as time progressed. I was finally feeling okay coming off of Vrylar and then I messed it up, even when my doctor said that Prozac could mess things up further. So glad I listened to my doctor (not) and just wreaked further havic on my mental state. Insane.

So now I am on Abilify and Lexapro and it is like night and day. I am happy and energetic. I wake up at a decent hour and have no issues being at work. I can have a good time with my son without feeling like something was out to get me. This wasn’t something I was hoping to go through but I made it out stronger in the end and the Lord helped. I didn’t give up even when I wanted to and I think that’s what made, not broke me.

So, yes, I am alive and well now. I am here and apparently WordPress renewed my domain so you bet your sweet behind I will start to post again a little more frequently. That just goes to show how much I love to write and it is a very big part of me. I never want this side of me to leave because I’ve cherished it for so long. How could I just give up?

I’m here and I am stronger than ever. Welcome back, me!

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