So like clockwork I am up. My lack of sleep has been frustrating and being so thrown off is making me feel a little irritable. Last night I woke up at 1:30 am and I was awake until 9 last night. I took my two gummy melatonin and passed out. Woke up at 10:30, thenContinue reading “Let Me Sleep”
Category Archives: System Speaks
Coming Back To Life
I have that familiar feeling I used to have, before all of this, back when life was simpler. When it wasn’t talking to attorneys, lawyers, and court dates over Zoom. I’m tired of serving and being served. I just want my life back. I want the ease of not having to worry about what isContinue reading “Coming Back To Life”
You Tried To Take Me Down With You
Down that little white rabbit’s hole you loved so much growing up. Little did I know that you wanted to drag this Alice down with you. But why make me drink the potion to make me tiny only for me to drink the one that made me rise above you? Sitting at the table withContinue reading “You Tried To Take Me Down With You”
Fuck A Title
I’m not sure what the fuck I’m doing anymore. I have so many thoughts that constantly run through my mind and it’s like on repeat multiple times a day. “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve this life. I am terrified to work. I’m terrified to go through divorce. I don’t want anybody to hateContinue reading “Fuck A Title”
Don’t Ask
I don’t even know where to begin in all honesty. I feel like I am just going through the day to day motions but nobody is home inside. It’s the strangest feeling and one I’ve yet to ever truly experience before. I just feel “here” and like something inside of me has left me highContinue reading “Don’t Ask”
Admittance
The way I’ve been feeling emotions lately have been more intense than usual to say the least. I am sensitive to many things and I’m working on not letting things get to me so much. Other’s intentions are never as bad as what my own mind makes them out to be. I assume, which weContinue reading “Admittance”
Nonsensical
This week is going by as quickly as I expected it to. I’m still wanting to rush everything to get back down there and I know I’m going to regret all of this. Eddie needs to be close to his Dad and I believe this to be true. He needs him in his life andContinue reading “Nonsensical”
Tell Me How You Really Feel
Depressed. Content? Mindless. Numb? Proud. Skeptical? A whole lot. That’s really how I’m feeling right now. Today was the beginning of our small groups. It rocked my world when I woke up to 40+ Facebook notifications. It was almost too overwhelming to handle right after waking up. God answers prayers. Let me be a livingContinue reading “Tell Me How You Really Feel”
What Just Happened Here?
What’s on my mind, you ask? So glad you want to know. Feelings of entrapment. Knowing I can’t get into my car and just go. Oh I hate when this feeling rears its’ ugly little head. I feel like I couldn’t go anywhere without judgement if I tried. I feel stuck in my life. IContinue reading “What Just Happened Here?”
Hitting Pause
It’s group loading day for small groups and I am supposed to be so super excited about everything and just ready to go, right? So why so I feel the most depressed I have in a long time? This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. Right? I can’t even figure out what I’m tryingContinue reading “Hitting Pause”
